


Baby Blues

by iLurked



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: F/M, Import from Tumblr, Written pre 1x16
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-28
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-19 11:04:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1467106
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iLurked/pseuds/iLurked
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Grant Ward stated that he wanted the threat to be a person, some super powered psychopath, this wasn't exactly what he meant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Baby Blues

Eighteen-month Johnny woke up sore and cranky.

He wanted his Mummy, but when he pulled himself up to a standing position, Mummy was lost! Forever!

He was beginning to work up to a great, big crying jag when he heard Funny Man cry out, “No, little man, no. Don’t cry.”

Johnny paused. He was trying to decide whether he wanted to cry when he was carried up.

Up was the best!

Johnny looked up to see who made him go up and saw Funny Man. Johnny liked Funny Man. He talked different from the others, but he had all sorts of interesting stuff; stuff Johnny can throw and poke and put into his mouth.

And where Funny Man was, Mummy was sure to follow. But when Johnny looked over Funny Man’s shoulder, Mummy was not there. Maybe she was gone forever!

Johnny wanted Mummy, so he proceeded to tell Funny Man so.

“Jemma!” Funny Man bellowed, making Johnny’s ears hurt. “I think the little man needs his nappies changed.”

“Then change him, Fitz!” came Mummy’s voice.

Mummy! Johnny clapped. He knew Funny Man was smart.

“That is not in my job description!” Funny Man replied as he began to walk out of Johnny’s room.

Soon, they were walking into a room with a large, beeping table and a huge television. Johnny concentrated on the television. He wondered what they were watching, but all he could see was a bunch of squiggly lines and blinking lights. Grown ups were weird.

“Really, Fitz?” it was Mummy! “Just because I’m a girl doesn’t mean I automatically know how to take care of a baby.” 

“He likes you best, though.” Funny Man handed Johnny to Mummy. “See?” he said when Johnny joyfully burrowed his head in Mummy’s chest.

“I’ll do it!” a girl said from behind Johnny. “Kids love me.”

Johnny turned his head suspiciously when he felt hands on his side. Somebody was taking him from Mummy! That was not acceptable.

“Oh, oof,” Mummy groaned when Johnny tightened his hold on her. “Too tight. Can’t breathe.”

“Hold him steady,” Grabby Hands complained to Mummy. “I got him.”

No! He liked playing with Grabby Hands' long, dark hair, but he wanted Mummy and only Mummy! No Grabby Hands! Enraged, Johnny turned his upper body and pushed Grabby Hands away with his hand.

Grabby Hands flew backwards. She would have crashed on the wall, but Grumpy Pants had walked in at that moment and broke her fall.

“Are you alright?” Grumpy Pants asked Grabby Hands. “What happened?”

Then Grumpy Pants met Johnny’s eyes. Johnny made a mean face at Grumpy Pants.

“You.” Grumpy Pants told Johnny as he helped Grabby Hands stand up. “Mutant alien baby.”

“No need to be mean, Ward.” Grabby Hands told him. “I’m okay.”

Johnny wanted Grumpy Pants to get a Time Out!

But no Time Out for Grumpy Pants. Even if Grumpy Pants was bad. Grumpy Pants, bad. Mummy, good. So Johnny tightened his hold on Mummy.

“Uh, Jemma,” Funny Man said, approaching them cautiously. “You’re kinda turning red.”

“Ribs,” Mummy reached out and grabbed Funny Man’s collar. “I can’t breathe.”

“What?” alarmed, Grumpy Pants left Grabby Hands and went to Mummy. He tried tugging Johnny away.

“Ward,” Mummy gasped pushing Grumpy Pants away. “You’re making it worse.”

Johnny gave Grumpy Pants a triumphant look.

“Relax, little man,” Funny Man started patting Johnny’s back. “Let go of Jemma. She needs to breathe. That’s a good lad, yeah?”

Funny Man was good. He made Johnny feel warm and fuzzy inside. Johnny sighed and snuggled on Mummy’s chest, releasing his hold a bit.

“Oh, my god.” Mummy said, taking deep breaths as she sagged against the wall in relief.

Grumpy Pants moved as if he wanted to take away Johnny from Mummy again, but Mummy waved him off when Johnny stiffened.

“It’s fine, Ward. Just leave him be for a moment.”

“This is insane,” Grumpy Pants grumbled. “That boy should not be up here in the Bus.”

“Uh, Ward,” Funny Man told Grumpy Pants gravely. “That boy destroyed an armoured S.H.I.E.L.D. vehicle with his shriek, flew thousands of meters in air on his own steam, and flicked away Skye like she was a fly. I don’t think we’re in any position to stop him from doing whatever he wanted to do.”

“Don’t mind me,” Mummy said faintly, slowly sliding down to the floor. “I’m just gonna sit here. With the baby.”

Grumpy Pants moved closer to Mummy to help her sit down.

Johnny did not like that.

“Stop!” Mummy cried out to Grumpy Pants. “Step away. That’s it.”

Grumpy Pants gave Mummy a lost look.

“I’m fine,” Mummy told him with a smile. “But he doesn’t like you much, does he?”

“Trust me,” Grumpy Pants told her. “The feeling is entirely mutual.”

Johnny stuck out his tongue at Grumpy Pants before hugging Mummy.

"He’s doing it again!" Mummy cried out.

“Shhh!” Funny Man hushed everyone. “Little man is saying something.”

Johnny wiggled happily at the attention bestowed upon him. So he hugged Mummy, opened his mouth, and enthusiastically cried out, “Mama!”

…

“When I told you that I wanted the threat to be a person, this is not what I meant.” Grant Ward told the team.

Ward wanted to kick something as the familiar feeling of helplessness washed upon him. He wanted to be the one exposed to the risks of their job—he usually was the one exposed—not Jemma Simmons, who was the least equipped to deal with whatever shit life threw up at them.

It was, however, Agent Simmons who was requested to examine an 0-8-4 that was found in the middle of the Amazon rainforest: a pod believed to be of alien origin. Everyone on site and on the team made sure that the pod was safe, that there would be no contamination, but they can only do much. No amount of D.W.A.R.F. Drones scanning or anti-alien germs spray would eliminate the risk when one dealt with things not from earth.

So once again, Simmons was exposed to an alien hazard. An alien baby hazard.

As Simmons, with the assistance of Fitz, was examining the 0-8-4, she triggered a mechanism that opened the pod, revealing a sleeping toddler inside.

Ward tried to yell at Simmons to exercise some restraint, but she did not have the common sense God gave to a gnat. Without conducting any scans or analysis, the soft-hearted Simmons had reached into the pod and took out the male child.

After conducting a medical examination (she was so excited to note that alien physiology is not that different from human), she pronounced the now-awake kid hearty and hale. Ward even saw her shedding a few tears when they turned over custody of the kid to a more equipped S.H.I.E.L.D. agent who would take him to the Fridge.

However, hours later, while the Bus was thousands of feet in the air, May saw the baby flying right beside them, crying. He only stopped when he was lured inside via the cargo bay door. Later, they found out that the alien demon child single-handedly destroyed a S.H.I.E.L.D. Vehicle with his shrieks, overpowered his S.H.I.E.L.D. babysitter, and flew up in the air.

Ward glanced at where Simmons was seated on the couch, gently bouncing the baby who was currently feeding and fighting sleep.

“So far, Johnny displayed—”

“Wait,” Ward interrupted Fitz’ lecture. “Johnny?”

“The baby!” Skye rolled her eyes. “Pay attention!”

“You named it?” Grant wanted to hit his head on the wall in frustration. Repeatedly. Will these kids never learn?

“So far,” Fitz rolled his eyes and continued, “Johnny has demonstrated the abilities of flight, sonic shriek, and super strength. We think he’s also extraordinarily intelligent, with a good grasp of what’s happening around him that’s far too advanced for his age.”

“And he somehow imprinted Simmons as his mother.” Coulson added.

Jemma paled at that declaration.

“Oh, look, he’s finally asleep.” Skye gushed. “Here, let me take him so you can take a break.”

“Thank you,” Simmons said gratefully when Skye was finally successful in taking the baby.

“I’ll put him back into the living room.” Skye said, walking out.

Grant Ward wanted to punch something so hard. He knew he could not stand for things to stand as they were. He gotta do something.

…

The next time Johnny woke up from nap, Grumpy Pants was seated across from him.

He wanted Grumpy Pants to go away so he proceeded to tell him so, but the only sound that escaped his throat was a high-pitched, “Baa!”

“I don’t care what they say,” Grumpy Pants told Johnny with a mean look. “You may look like a baby, but I know you understand every word coming out of my mouth.”

Grumpy Pants was a big meanie! He’s going to get into so much trouble!

Johnny opened up his mouth really, really big to call Mummy, but Grumpy Pants covered his mouth! Johnny did not like that, so he bit Grumpy Pants.

“Ouch, you little piece of shit!” Grumpy Pants yelled, but he did not let go of Johnny’s mouth.

Grumpy Pants said a bad word! That was a Time Out!

Johnny struggled in earnest, but Grumpy Pants held on to him.

“Stop. I said stop!” Grumpy Pants shouted. “STOP!”

Johnny’s eyes widened in shock. He did not like Grumpy Pant's loud voice. His eyes started to tear up.

“No. No, no, no,” Grumpy Pants picked up Johnny. “Don’t cry.”

Up was good but Grumpy Pants was still a meanie.

“Look, if you cry, you’ll emit a sonic energy that may blow up the Bus and then where would we be?”

Grumpy Pants tried to bounce Johnny up and down, but he did not do it like Funny Man did it.

“Jemma likes this Bus, so try not to destroy it, yeah?”

Johnny blinked. “Mama?”

“Yeah,” Grumpy Pants nodded, making a funny face. “Mama.”

“Mama.” Johnny sniffed again for good measure.

“Now,” Grumpy Pants said. “We need to talk.”

Grumpy Pants was looking at Johnny seriously, so Serious Johnny stared back. “Baa.” Johnny told him in agreement.

“Look, I know you like Simmons,” Grumpy Pants said as he placed Johnny back onto the sofa. Then, at Johnny’s confused look, he amended. “Jemma. I know you like Jemma.”

“Mama.” Johnny tried to stand up, expecting Mummy to walk in any second, but he just fell back down on his diapered bottom and no Mummy appeared.

“But you see, you’re too strong, and you can’t control your strength yet. Sometimes, when you’re holding Jemma, you hurt her.”

Johnny reddened in anger. He did not hurt Mummy! He loved Mummy!

“I’m not saying that you can’t hold Jemma.”

Not hold Mummy? That was the saddest thing Johnny had ever heard!

“All I’m saying is that I would prefer to be present whenever you feel like holding on to her.” Grumpy Pants continued.

Johnny frowned and considered. He looked at Grumpy Pants, who no longer looked like Grumpy Pants. The squiggly lines on his face disappeared and his mouth looked like it wanted to smile.

“And I would also appreciate it if I try to help Jemma in taking care of you, that you won’t squeeze her to death.”

Johnny stared suspiciously at Grumpy Pants. Was he trying to keep Mummy to himself?

“I just want to help. I want to protect Jemma. I don’t want her to get hurt again.”

Grumpy Pants wanted to help and protect Mummy? Did he like Mummy?

“I want her to be happy and safe, you know.”

A brilliant thought struck Johnny. If Grumpy Pants liked Mummy and wanted to help her and protect her, and make her happy and safe, did that mean that Grumpy Pants was…

“So,” Grumpy Pants looked at Johnny hopefully. “What do you say?”

Johnny laughed and clapped his hands at his new discovery. Of course! Grumpy Pants was, “DADA!”

"Yeah, why don’t we keep that thought just between the two of us?" Grumpy Pants asked, but Johnny knew that he was not really grumpy because he was fighting off a pleased smile. "We don’t want to freak out mama more than she already is, do we?"

Johnny clapped his hands in agreement. And also because he can.

…

“Maybe he was saying my name, not mama.”

“I’m pretty sure he said mama.” Fitz told her.

“That is not helping, Fitz.” Jemma glared at her oldest friend. “I don’t even now how to take care of a baby!”

“Simmons.” Coulson tried to interrupt the FitzSimmons show.

“I mean, I’m not really sure that if I want a kid of my own, but I’m not closing any doors.” Jemma ranted, speaking over Coulson. “At the back of my mind, I’m thinking maybe when I’d have one when older.”

“I don’t think you have any choice,” Fitz told her. “There is no alien baby protocol in the manuals. You would have to adopt him.”

“Simmons.” Coulson tried again.

”No!” Jemma cried out. “ Not that I don’t like kids. But I always wanted to do it in order: meet a guy, fall in love and get married before I even think of having a baby.”

“Jemma!”

“Fitz!” Jemma reaching for him in her desperation. “I’m not ready to be a single mother!”

“JEMMA!”

“Yes, Agent Coulson?”

“We’ll figure it out.”

Jemma paused in the middle of her self-pity jag. “Thank you, sir. I appreciate it.”

Just then, Grant Ward strode into the room.

FitzSimmons’ jaws dropped open. Even Coulson was taken aback.

Ward looked dishelved, exhausted, and just a little desperate. But that was not what caught the three agents’ attention. What actually surprised them was the sight of little Johnny strapped into his chest.

“The brat and I have come into an understanding.” Ward declared.

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt given by Thea (jemward): a picture of Brett Dalton with his baby.


End file.
